January 1, 2012 by Darlene McC
I am not a huge fan of the annual “end of the year” or “looking forward to the year” post, even in the best of years. They’re awkward at best, uncomfortable at worst; either distilling the previous solar cycle into nuggets of perceived wisdom or breasing through lists of events but not considering their significance. Rarely do I read one the really enthralls me.
But here I am, on another January 1st, having written very little since the fall and feeling the need to mark the passing of time in true blogger fashion. My silence was not because the fall was uneventful; quite the contrary. So much of significance happened I didn’t know where to begin. I still don’t. There are mornings where I feel that everything has changed; yet I still wake up in my body and my life still fits in the scope of this blog. …So much has changed…
I am in transition. Not just from one year to another or one month to the next, but also from early adulthood to something more concrete. Middle age? Not quite yet, but perhaps “the mix is beginning to set” as it were. I’ve also transitioned my career. Here’s the bomb: I haven’t been on an audition in almost 5 months…and I don’t really miss it. After years of putting incredible pressure on myself (and also my self esteem, my wallet, my relationships, my hair) I opted to burp the theatrical tupperware by taking a break from acting. The result of that break is the realization that maybe my lifelong dream is like some of my other lifelong dreams (like being a size 2 and having sex with Angelina Jolie) just that: a dream. Some dreams are just not meant to live in the light of day. They begin to pale, whither, and die in the reality of that light.
So what now?
After a few months of study I’ve just begun a job as a personal trainer. I’m not sure yet, but the returns are looking good on my new occupation. Health, wellness, and fitness seem to be the new key words in my vocabulary and I’m going to bed thinking about program design variables and the best way to consider client goals. I’m excited; but admittedly a bit scared. I expect in the coming months for this space to continue to be a chronicling of my adventures (mis-adventures?), but also to include my thoughts on health and fitness as they continue to evolve. My goals are changing and I expect my writing to tug along behind that.
Why are we, the modern blogger, compelled to cap the year? We are already the voyers of out time, spewing our thoughts for all the western web to see (or ignore). We feel the urge to connect via our posts and pictures; whether to push our professional thoughts or our personal events out, we spin paragraph after paragraph in the hopes that you, dear reader, give a damn. Maybe the annual “end of year” spew is a way of looking back and saying “I did this, I hope you still care”. Maybe it’s the mass delusion that we don’t really give a damn if anyone is reading or not.
Or may, and this is my secret hope, it’s the belief that if we look back on last year to check our trajectory we can somehow hedge our bets that maybe this year will be better than the last: