On Disappointment

1

May 18, 2011 by Darlene McC

I’ll be honest: part of why it’s taken so long since my last post is my embarrassment.  I didn’t know what to say.  Sure, I’ve left projects unfinished before.  My abandoned album.  The care bear blanket I was crocheting for my nephew who is now 6 and would have no interest in such things.  Those sweet “Star Fleet Academy Climbing Team” tshirts I was making for my friends.  But this is different.  It’s so… public.

I like to think of myself as a do-er of things.  A maker of entertainment and stories and cool stuff.  But when you’re an individual who constantly pushes those things out into the world and they’re only 1/4 baked (forget 1/2!) and the dough doesn’t rise it’s an odd feeling.  This is the risk you take in being a creator who likes an audience.

So I failed.  Sure, in the last three weeks I’ve done ‘stuff’.  I premiered in an off-Broadway show, I ran a 5k, I made my own bread every week.  I did something that might have been illegal on a mountain top and watched the stars come out after.  I put Hennessey in my coffee… coffee that I’ve since given up entirely.  But you know what I didn’t do?  Something New every day.  And I definitely didn’t write about it after.

Learning by (not) doing

This has been humbling in a way.  I’m generally unsure of my audience; how many of those hits recorded by Wpress are bots or random clickers and how many are actually reading.  You’ve been a quiet audience for the most part, though my numbers have climbed so I’m pretty sure someone’s reading.  But how much do you care about the ‘every day’ aspect?  How much does that matter?  Does it matter to me?

Well, honestly, yes.  It does matter to me.  But so does something else: that take-away from the experiment.  What I choose to take away from this lapse is that a lapse doesn’t undo what you’ve done.  And it doesn’t change where you’re going until you want it to.  I still want to do Something New every day; I just have to decide it’s important enough to happen.  I hope you decide, despite the break, that it’s still important enough to watch.

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One thought on “On Disappointment

  1. […] before the Something New project was a glorious failure I ran a 5k.  At the time it felt like a reluctant triumph; the entire run I was forcing every […]

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